7:46 AM

Still living. Still writing. or wanting to write. I wish I could find someone special enough. Everyone's out of town and I'm alone. Advice on how to meet new people?

I feel different inside. There's this weird emptiness. No, not emptiness, rawness. It's disconcerting. I don't like it. I want to go back. I learned so much, academically and otherwise. There's so much I miss, and the funny thing is that I thought I'd enjoy being back. Obviously, that was wrong. I've grown so much as a person and as a writer, and many different people have taught me new things. Now that I've back, I'll be able to write on here again, and I do want to. I think I'll go do a writing prompt or something now.

I HATE PACKING!!! FWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

I've only had this blog like a week, and how many times have I said that? Well, I'm sure I haven't said it enough: I HATE PACKING. i hate packing. I HATE packing! IIIII HATE PACKING. i hate packing. I HATE packing! i HATE PACKING. i hate packing. I HATE packing! I HATE PACKING. i hate packing. I HATE packing!

There we go. That felt much better.

I can only pack in small increments. I'll fold & put away all my shirts, then come on the computer for 10 minutes or decide that I need a snack. Argh. Packing is HARD, man! Make it go awayyyy.

wow! a friday the 13 on the 13th!!!

13 random things I need to remember badly!
1 plantar wart on foot (gross i know)
2 pajamas
3 underwear
4 tote bag
5 cardio
6 fold clothes
7 scrub tub
8 pack
9 strength training
10 bike
11 button
12 detergent
13 shower

2nd post today again! what can I say?

I just walked about for a couple of hours. It was really refreshing! Then, I came home, fixed lunch, and watched Oprah on my TiVo. More important than any of these actions, though, is the fact that I just chewed my last piece of sugar-free gum!

That's right, I'm officially cutting out artificial sweeteners. Call it neurotic, but I've been chewing 2 pieces of orbit a day plus downing a 20 oz. diet drink for as long as I can remember, and I'm starting to get worried about the potentially negative side effects. I'm not going to go completely cold turkey, but I'm eliminating it little by little until there's none left. I just had a piece with this nasty aftertaste that really reminded me that I'm just ingesting harmful chemicals, not enjoying a sweet treat. I need to stop kidding myself! Also, I think my body craves sweets more since I eat so much of this. Almost everything I eat during a day has a sweet, not savory flavor profile, which I doubt is healthy. So starting now, I'll allow myself a diet coke once a week or so, but other than that, NADA! It's better to have REAL sugar in moderation, I think.

Second piece of news, I'm attending an event later in the summer at which I have to wear a pair of very high heels. Now, those who know me are well aware that I'm a converse-and-flip-flops type of girl, donning a pair of ballet flats or kitten heels at the very most when I go out. I'm practically toppling over in these silver, spindly creations! They look similar to these, but they're not Louboutins, hahahaha! If they were, I might be able to tolerate them! Anyway, practice makes perfect, I suppose. I'm planning on wearing them around the house for the rest of the day to accustom myself to them. Ha!

How many meals do you cook at home each week? What do you do for the other meals?

For dinner, I normally eat home-prepared meals about 2-3x a week. I get take-out about 2-3x a week as well. I eat out 1-2x a week. For the home-prepared meals, one is usually prepared from scratch, while at least one includes a frozen component, like a veggie burger or some black bean & soy cheese taquitos. As a vegetarian, it's not as easy for me to just whip out a breast of chicken, marinate it, and sautee it. Soy takes more preparation, IMO-- plus, there's all this controversy over soy these days. I love Dr. Praeger's burgers. For take-out, I go to Whole Foods's prepared section more than any human being should. I also love greek and indian cuisines. Places where I eat out depend on my mood. I love food, and I wish I could cook more often, but unfortunately, it becomes a big issue, especially during the school year because I am a busy student! Now that it's summer, I'll probably be cooking a good deal more. So now you know!

Oh wait! For breakfast, 90% of the time I eat at home. For lunch, that's about 75 or 80%. Now that it's summer, these percentages will probably go down. Funny how my breakfast/lunch and dinner meals are inversely proportional that way!

Ugh, today I have a lot to do. Since I live in the suburbs, I'm making the trek into town for the rest of the day. I need to buy ALL KINDS OF STUFF, and i need to pack for my 3-week excursion starting this Sunday. I hope I can write while I'm there, but it's highly doubtful. When I come back, I really want to make Cake Balls. They look most excellent. (and most unhealthy!)

How do you get good writing feedback on this place? I submitted my poem to two groups but no response. It looks like people do post on those groups, but no one seems to respond. I enjoy writing, but I'm afraid to show my stuff to people I actually know because I don't want them to think it's bad!

My life is mostly spent looking for things.
glasses when I wake up in the morning and the right angle to sit them on my nose.
school books and backpack and the vegetables for lunch
locker and pencils and the door before i'm late
friends, always friends, difficult elusive few
father
time already wasted in solitary confinement voluntarily hooked up to a machine
how i regret
renewed morale
gumption, strength, compassion, direction, where do you hide? blood is opaque
rhyme scheme and diction and tone and theme, unintentional or otherwise, useless regardlessly

invisible imperceptible impossible entities-
comfort and love
the good things never equally dispersed
fairness, justice
even numbers and logic and proof of common sense
21 grams
answers to existence, the very one in which i make my search
talk about a catch 22

My head hurts today. I'm recording it in here for me to remember. It started about 4:45.

Today I exercised, and it felt great! The rest of the day has been pretty ho-hum, though. I finished my book, and it's probably my new favorite. Everyone I know is quite busy. I still have a good bit of errands to get done, so maybe I should go off and do those. I doubt I will cook tonight like I had planned because I don't have all of the ingredients. Oh, well. Life goes on!

Does anyone know anything about the Baha'i faith? I was reading about it online, and it sounds interesting. I love learning about new things. Personally, I would love to have faith, but I'm lacking in that department lately. I search constantly for something, an epiphany, that will wake me up and make me feel secure. At the mome, I'm awfully confused and rather cynical and disbelieving. We'll see how it goes. I'm still young. I pray for a long life!

edit: update: still headache. 7:23.

It's good to be back! I'm planning on eating really healthily for the rest of this week until I have to leave AGAIN because I've not been on track at all lately. So, planned for tonight is brown rice pilaf, broccoli with lemon juice, and italian style lentils. Oh, and for an appetizer, herb salad with blue cheese, cherry tomatoes, and tarragon dijon vinaigrette. Sounds good, right? =) I'll take pictures if I remember. Tomorrow I'm going to do pinto beans with chipotle and tomatoes, corn on the cob, and marinated & grilled portobellas, if everything works out.

My trip wasn't horrible, but I dread repacking my suitcase. Ugh. I absolutely loathe packing.
I had more things to say, but I can't remember, so I'll leave it for now.